they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
