please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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