hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize