He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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