pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this just has baby written all over it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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