I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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