I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
