I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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