Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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