They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
