Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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