Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
