is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
