just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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