just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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