he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
a search helicopter?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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