Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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