don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
