You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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