You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
