Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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