Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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