something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
