Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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