Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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