my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
