I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
