So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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