i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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