There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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