Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
