the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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