I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
