Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
