Nicole vs. Life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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