Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
