my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The air taste purple.
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