Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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