Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i have two assholes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
