The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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