I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
