operation harelip BJ is a go
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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