Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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