At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Still dying that you shit outside
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
