the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
