Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
