my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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