Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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