hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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