You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
