I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
