I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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