You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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