Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
