I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
