My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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