Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize