is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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