just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
