You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
