Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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