i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
