I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
