literally had 100 drinks last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
