Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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