I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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