My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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