I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
