im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
